Being a stay at home mum can often seem like the single handed most amazing experience Iv ever been able to do but also the hardest at times. Along side all the great things that come with being a SAHM it can unfortunately open you up to a world of horrible comments, generalisation and judgmental people. Iv been a stay at home mum ever since my son was born, I never went back after maternity leave because it didn’t benefit my family for me to do so, a reason that I shouldn’t have to tell people but in fact, have spent almost 3 and a half years having to tell almost everyone. Being a stay at home mum can be amazing, I get to watch my children grow day in and day out and spend as much time with them before they start school and start their own adventure but,

I get asked so many things and have so many comments about why I don’t work and why have I not been able to do x,y and z because after all, you’re a stay at home mum with loads of time on your hands…. well, here’s my list of 7 things NOT to say to a SAHM

You should be grateful – grateful for being with 2 toddlers day in day out who can’t hold down a proper conversation? Or picking up yet another bowl of cereal of the floor, or wiping yet another bum? Oh come on! We can’t be grateful for every last second of the day because some times those days are just exhausting, smelly or a total headache!! … I am however, grateful I get to watch them grow up, I don’t need to tell people that? I don’t even need to tell my partner that, we sat down together and decided together that it was better for us if i stayed at home. Why should I be extra grateful for a choice we made as a pair that only actually made an impact on my life.

Don’t you wish you could work? – YES!! Omg, you do not understand how much I wish I could work just to have my own time away, my own work friends even, it’s a conversation starter when someone walks through the door “how was work?” But I don’t have that, when I walk through the door after the school run or after a play date or shopping, no one is home to great me and the kids with such questions. I would love to just walk out the door for a few hours a week and not worry about anything other than the job I am going to however, for me right now, it’s just not a possibility.

Why is the house a mess what have you done all day? – This is my all time favourite comment and at the same time its the one that really gets on my nerves the most. I clean up, tidy, hoover, wash clothes, fed, wash and dress two small people, sometimes I remember to feed myself, I take 2 other people out with me for a shopping trip and I also entertain them with parks etc… the reason my house can be messy is because toddlers have no sense of how much of an arsehole it makes them when they empty out their entire toy box right before yours eyes! So I may of spent all day tidying up but it takes two minutes for my toddlers to trash it again. So instead of asking questions, on your way in to my house just pick up the trail of deathly trip hazards along your way… and bring alcohol. Thanks.

Don’t you get bored being home? – you’re joking right? There are some days I don’t sit down until I have dinner. There are days when I don’t even have time to eat dinner until my kids go to bed at 7pm. Between looking after two toddlers, cleaning, cooking, washing, food shops, park and soft play visits, more cleaning, more cooking, more washing, putting the kids to bed, more tidying… at what point am I meant to get bored? Exhausted maybe but never bored.

Aren’t you setting a bad example for your children? – Erm, how do you even answer that politely? Im pretty sure my children won’t grow up expecting that this is the ONLY thing a mum can do so I’m sure it’ll be fine but thanks for your concern.

What will you do when you’re children go to school? – I don’t know, with all my new found freedom (all 6 hours of it) I may go to a spa, get my hair done or take up yoga? Nap? … let’s face it, I’ll be doing all the tasks that having kids around makes hard work or impossible and the only luxuary thing I’ll be doing is having a warm cuppa. Who knows, maybe I’ll find a job that fits in around school times!!

Your partner must earn a lot for you be able to stay off work – Well while our financial situation is nothing at all to do with anyone else I can honestly say no, we aren’t ‘rolling in it’. Yes he works hard, yes we pay our bills, no we don’t get help but I budget and we get by. It works for us and for now we are happy with that. Being a SAHM isn’t solely dependant on the bread winner bringing home big pay checks, it’s working together to ensure what you do have stretches enough.

So whilst I am forever grateful for my two tiny humans and being with them every day, just because I am a SAHM please do not expect my life revolves around shopping sprees, coffee mornings and catch up with friends and cleaning up after your mess and, if you’re going to come to my house with these assumptions .. just remember I am constantly on kitchen duty and I will burn your dinner or ruin your cuppa. You have been warned.