Do you ever just wake up some mornings to your child shouting from their bedroom and think today is going to be ‘one of those days’? Or do you ever start the morning fine and then something happens to turn your child into a dramatic devil, all because you gave them the wrong juice cup or breakfast bowl!?

Today alone has consisted of yoghurt flung everywhere, several meltdowns and naughty corner visits, two refused dinners, my glasses being broken and about 6 punch ups between the kids… I mean, what the actual f#@k!! May I add I am infact poorly and run down and this is what I am dealing with! As well as two bunged up coughing toddlers who are coughing themselves awake in the middle of the night but yeah, being a parent is SO amazing all the god damn time! Some days as a parent are just pure utter crap! There I said it, shoot me if that makes me a bad parent but I don’t think it does. Who are these super human people who enjoy every single day of parenting, who have everything together and never seem to lose their s#!t!? Is there a class I can take because honestly I’ll take any advice I can get some days.

I think the reason we feel so bad when our parenting skills come head to head with strong minded toddlers is because of the pressure we put on ourselves. The pressure to be perfect and enjoy every moment because of how lucky we are, yes we are so lucky to be blessed with the chance to be parents and even more so to do it twice, that doesn’t make it any easier to handle though. We can be so quick to judge someone in their time of need, comments such as “oh look poor girl can’t control her children” “those children will walk all over you when they are older” and “maybe you shouldn’t of had two if you can’t manage” … come on!!! We all need to stick together through this chaotic journey,  no ones handing out rewards at the finish line and no one has ever got through parenting without some time with friends and comforting words. If you see me with a child mid meltdown don’t judge me, can you help me? I mean take one it’s yours have it, it’s your problem now! Seriously though guys, we need each other! No one understands what you’re going through more than other mums! That mum in the corner of toddler group with breakfast down her top, hair in a mum bun, bags under her eyes while trying to work out what day it is? She gets you! The mum doing her weekly shop while fighting toddlers out of the chocolate isle and having to wrestle them back in to the seat? She’s been there! The mum reading this who’s that exhausted at 10am she’s just letting the kids do as they please with the plan of sorting it out when they are asleep? She totally understands your pain! The mum you saw walking down the street with her makeup done, child behaving in the pram and looking like she’s got it all together? You don’t know what happened before or after you saw her so don’t feel like you are failing!!

Mummas, daddy’s, grand parents and anyone else looking after babies, toddlers, teens, what ever age! You got this, we got this.

Oh I’d like to remind anyone out there who is being used as an ear to vent to, do not! I repeat! Do not!! Tell me it’ll get easier, why? Because you’re a liar! My kids will always be 17 months apart and all that’s coming is two teenagers!! If you have become my venting/punch bag (soz!) just offer me chocolate, alcohol or sleep! In fact offer sleep first.

#rantover

When I was young, free and childless the Christmas period used to be about spending time with friends and family, gift giving, mums Christmas roast and consuming as much alcohol over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day as humanly possible however, now I am a mum it’s got a whole new meaning. I don’t just mean how amazing it is to see your little ones believe in the magic of an elderly mince pie eating gift giver who will come and deliver everything mummy and daddy told them no to throughout the year … no no no, it’s our all time favourite emotion as parents, stress!

As if we don’t deal with enough stress throughout the year we now have added stress for Christmas and what’s worse is the majority of it is so unavoidable! The pressure to have the ‘perfect Christmas’ with the overflowing presents under the Christmas tree, the biggest Christmas dinner and the insta worthy photos in your matching jumpers. How often does this actually happen, will someone please tell me!? I spend the most of the morning in my pjs building toys, losing instructions and fighting off two toddlers as they fight over each other’s toys because clearly there’s are not good enough, while there are some mums out there swanning about in the Christmas apron, hair and makeup done, kids writing out thank you cards and everyone awaiting their turkey dinner that they started yesterday. How!? Just how? If like me you are totally unprepared this year then don’t panic! Mums always deliver and we don’t need to work ourselves in to the ground trying to provide the TV film worthy Christmas.

Your babies first Christmas will be special even without you going over the top! If you want something special to remember the day by maybe a little babygrow? A nice family photo? Even a bauble for the tree!? Just do not, I repeat! Do not go all OTT under the pressure of having the best ever first Christmas. Your child will not remember and tbh neither will you! You’ll be so busy trying to keep your baby happy during all the commotion, attention and change in routine, as well as cooking or traveling to a family members, so chances are it’ll all be one big blur in your memory.

Just because Mary from down the road has brought her 2 year old 40 presents or Sue on social media has spent £400 each on her children, does not mean that is what has to be done! We set a limit for our children and last year my son wanted a bike, this meant he got 3 presents to open and that was that. One thing I hate is when people post a photo of their tree and at the bottom there is overflowing stack of presents and the caption “is this enough?’… You know damn well it’s enough sally! You’re just trying to show off! Whilst it’s exciting to wake up as a child and see that let’s be honest, how much of that actually gets played with? Where’s it all going to go? The majority of people admit to getting themselves in some kind of debt to buy all of the presents but, all this does to children is set them up to think it’s what will happen each year and the older your children get the more expensive the gifts will get, it’s really not worth the finical stress.

If you’re cooking your first Christmas dinner this year just remember it’s just a slightly dressed up Sunday roast. I cooked my first one last year for my family including my mum Dad and nan. I panicked. I got my mum to cook the beef and gammon and I also got her to make the stuffing because I didn’t realise it was simply just stuffing with sausage meat in it! So basically all I made was the chicken, veg, roasties and Yorkshire puddings lol. Everyone was more than pleased with their dinners and I really did make it seem more hard work than it would of been. So, don’t stress! Cook your normal Sunday roast, chuck some sausage meat in your stuffing and some sprouts in your saucepan and job done.

We spend so much time worrying (although seriously, don’t touch my tree once iv decorated it!) that we sometimes miss out on the actual fun of the build up, the shopping trips with a pit stop for a drink at the German market in town, shopping for new decorations and bribing the children with seeing Father Christmas if they are good in the centre… Harry Potter!! Every year without fail, I’m a celeb? No just me? Ok… lol

This year I am making a promise to myself, to enjoy it more for not only me but for my children too. To bring extra magic and excitement to it all for the kids and to try and swear less in the traffic jams because everyone just needed to go shopping the same time as me. And to eat less chocolate, must not get fate.

 

 Being a stay at home mum can often seem like the single handed most amazing experience Iv ever been able to do but also the hardest at times. Along side all the great things that come with being a SAHM it can unfortunately open you up to a world of horrible comments, generalisation and judgmental people. Iv been a stay at home mum ever since my son was born, I never went back after maternity leave because it didn’t benefit my family for me to do so, a reason that I shouldn’t have to tell people but in fact, have spent almost 3 and a half years having to tell almost everyone. Being a stay at home mum can be amazing, I get to watch my children grow day in and day out and spend as much time with them before they start school and start their own adventure but,

I get asked so many things and have so many comments about why I don’t work and why have I not been able to do x,y and z because after all, you’re a stay at home mum with loads of time on your hands…. well, here’s my list of 7 things NOT to say to a SAHM

You should be grateful – grateful for being with 2 toddlers day in day out who can’t hold down a proper conversation? Or picking up yet another bowl of cereal of the floor, or wiping yet another bum? Oh come on! We can’t be grateful for every last second of the day because some times those days are just exhausting, smelly or a total headache!! … I am however, grateful I get to watch them grow up, I don’t need to tell people that? I don’t even need to tell my partner that, we sat down together and decided together that it was better for us if i stayed at home. Why should I be extra grateful for a choice we made as a pair that only actually made an impact on my life.

Don’t you wish you could work? – YES!! Omg, you do not understand how much I wish I could work just to have my own time away, my own work friends even, it’s a conversation starter when someone walks through the door “how was work?” But I don’t have that, when I walk through the door after the school run or after a play date or shopping, no one is home to great me and the kids with such questions. I would love to just walk out the door for a few hours a week and not worry about anything other than the job I am going to however, for me right now, it’s just not a possibility.

Why is the house a mess what have you done all day? – This is my all time favourite comment and at the same time its the one that really gets on my nerves the most. I clean up, tidy, hoover, wash clothes, fed, wash and dress two small people, sometimes I remember to feed myself, I take 2 other people out with me for a shopping trip and I also entertain them with parks etc… the reason my house can be messy is because toddlers have no sense of how much of an arsehole it makes them when they empty out their entire toy box right before yours eyes! So I may of spent all day tidying up but it takes two minutes for my toddlers to trash it again. So instead of asking questions, on your way in to my house just pick up the trail of deathly trip hazards along your way… and bring alcohol. Thanks.

Don’t you get bored being home? – you’re joking right? There are some days I don’t sit down until I have dinner. There are days when I don’t even have time to eat dinner until my kids go to bed at 7pm. Between looking after two toddlers, cleaning, cooking, washing, food shops, park and soft play visits, more cleaning, more cooking, more washing, putting the kids to bed, more tidying… at what point am I meant to get bored? Exhausted maybe but never bored.

Aren’t you setting a bad example for your children? – Erm, how do you even answer that politely? Im pretty sure my children won’t grow up expecting that this is the ONLY thing a mum can do so I’m sure it’ll be fine but thanks for your concern.

What will you do when you’re children go to school? – I don’t know, with all my new found freedom (all 6 hours of it) I may go to a spa, get my hair done or take up yoga? Nap? … let’s face it, I’ll be doing all the tasks that having kids around makes hard work or impossible and the only luxuary thing I’ll be doing is having a warm cuppa. Who knows, maybe I’ll find a job that fits in around school times!!

Your partner must earn a lot for you be able to stay off work – Well while our financial situation is nothing at all to do with anyone else I can honestly say no, we aren’t ‘rolling in it’. Yes he works hard, yes we pay our bills, no we don’t get help but I budget and we get by. It works for us and for now we are happy with that. Being a SAHM isn’t solely dependant on the bread winner bringing home big pay checks, it’s working together to ensure what you do have stretches enough.

So whilst I am forever grateful for my two tiny humans and being with them every day, just because I am a SAHM please do not expect my life revolves around shopping sprees, coffee mornings and catch up with friends and cleaning up after your mess and, if you’re going to come to my house with these assumptions .. just remember I am constantly on kitchen duty and I will burn your dinner or ruin your cuppa. You have been warned.

 

If you are a mum or a mum to be there’s a good chance you’ve heard this little saying ‘once you have your baby you’ll find out who you’re real friends are.’ It’s the one that makes you sit there and wonder how on earth having a baby can make you second guess your friendships, everyone likes babies right!? Luckily for me, my friends have not disappeared off the face of the earth but, it doesn’t mean our friendship hasn’t changed and it doesn’t mean our lives carried on the same because that was now pretty much impossible.

Me and my friends have a done a lot over the years, we’ve held each other’s hair back when one of us had drunk one too many sambucas or glasses of wine, we’ve managed to navigate ourself through airports for girls holidays resulting in the worst hangovers but the best memories (or lack of lol!) and we’ve pretty much just been there for each other every step of the way. Then along came my son. Something my close group of friends hadn’t experienced yet was pregnancy and one of us being a mummy, it was new it was exciting! We had a new baby memeber, we talked names, we talked birth (or more they scared me!) and I had this vision of my baby growing up being the one running to my friends house because he had done something he couldn’t telling mummy about. Truth is, reality is slightly different. Whilst all my friends are still there for me, with a couple of new ones gained along the way, it isn’t quite the experience portrayed in films where your friends turn up at the door out of the blue with wine and some homemade meals because, well, life goes on around you and you are in this new mum haze of swollen boobs, sleepless nights and colic screaming baby days alone.

I know that being a mum has taken me back from my friends slightly, we don’t have loads in common anymore and my life mainly revolves around the routine I have set for my children. I try my best to make the time, I try my best to remember to message and check up but the truth is, half the time I’m just too tired. Being a mum is hard, making time for myself is even harder so trying to make time for other people can sometimes become near on impossible and it’s horrible. Even when you do manage to get a day that everyone is free 9 times out of 10 I have to bring my kids which means no more catch up coffee in peace, but a catch up coffee in a toddler play area.

I guess what im trying to say is I know I’m a s**t friend during this chaotic time in my life and I do have to put myself second after the kids and everyone else third but I promise, I truly truly promise I am doing my best to stay there as a friend. I am forever grateful for the fact my small handful of friends have been there when I have 100% needed them to be whether that’s the stress of parenting and needing to vent, visiting and support during hospital stays or even getting out of bed in the evening to make a special trip to the chemist to bring me something for my child.

Iv learned two things during these 3 years of parenting. One is that alcohol fixes everything on an occasional Saturday night without the kids, and the second is that I only have to ask for help and you’re there, no judgment no questions you’re just there.

Love you’re exhaustes, appreciative long lost best friend who promises to be back fully one day

When you are pregnant you’re told how magical and amazing being a new mum is but, if I’m honest, I don’t remember much of it. I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion that’s made it all a blur or maybe my hormones being so bats**t crazy or maybe a mixture of both? Either way, it’s all one big blur of sleepless nights, healing stitches and new mum anxieties, meaning I kind of know what happened but its all a bit iffy. Looking back now I realise how much I was unprepared for, everything and everyone told me how I’d feel and what was normal, which was lovely of them to share but, my own experience made me feel like I had either been lied to or I wasn’t normal. So, here’s my ‘what not to expect when you’re expecting’ list.

The day I gave birth was not the best day of my life.  Does that mean I regret it? No way! It just wasn’t the best day of my life. I mean I never really imagined the best day of my life but, I don’t think being high on gas and air, pushing a person out of me and then laying half naked while some stranger stitched me back together would really make the cut (no pun intended). Everyone told me that when your baby is out and placed on your chest you would get this sudden rush of love, a totally overwhelming feeling that makes you forget all the pain you’ve been through. I didn’t feel a rush of love, I felt exhausted, I felt sick from the pain and I felt really overwhelmed but not with love, with complete disbelief I had just done what I had done. I just pushed a person out! A whole person! With no medical interference. A person! I was shocked, he was real and I was now a mum. It’s a strange mix of emotions giving birth, it’s hard … like, really hard! It’s exhausting even for the quickest of labours, it’s excitment because you’re finally going to see this little person you created and grew inside of you but then it can also be scary. Labour is unpredictable so whether you’re someone who feels this rush of love or has a straight forward experience or whether your someone who didn’t feel the way the books say you should, like me, you’re still normal. No one will think any less of you, you’ve been through (or will be going through) a lot! Give yourself a break. 

Parenting might not come like second nature. Sorry to break this one to you but the majority of people who swan out of hospital like Mary Poppins with their new bundle of joy is probably not that many and, those who seem to have their s**t together are probably really good at pretending! If babies came preprogrammed and with a book then we would all be on to a win! Unfortunately they don’t and we have to spend hours, days and weeks figuring out these tiny people who we just met. Sometimes, we need a break or even just a helping hand and it’s ok to say you don’t know what you’re doing! No one does! There’s a lot to go through once you’re baby is here, adjusting to your new life, sleepless nights, constant crying that you don’t have a clue what it means the baby wants (you will! It takes time). Your hormones will be all over the place and everything will seem a million times worse which is why people have got to stop telling us ‘it just comes naturally’ because mostly, it doesn’t.

You might question your ability in the first few weeks. Leading on from it not being second nature, as a new mum we question ourselves a lot. We wonder if we can actually do this at 3am when baby wakes for the 90th time that night, we wonder if what we are doing is enough for our baby and if our best is enough. We compare ourselves, sometimes without evening meaning to! Someone will mention what they do with their baby and suddenly you’re worrying because you don’t do it, should I be doing it? Why haven’t I done it? Will I ruin my babies life by not doing it? … probably not no. Truth is, we question everything and worry about everything because our babies can’t tell us that they think we are doing a good job, motherhood is thankless and sometimes that’s a hard thing to realise. I’m not saying parenting will get easier but toddler tantrums and potty training messes are easier to deal with when you’ve had a full nights sleep.

You may have your post baby body longer than you planned. When you finally work up the courage to look at your new mum body you may not be pleased with what you see. The first time I looked at myself properly I cried. Your body changes loads and post baby body’s suck! They are jiggly, wrinkly and feel a little like play doh if I’m honest. It’s really hard to get yourself back in shape when you’re a new mum, you’re doing what you can do to get by which sometimes means a tea and 2 sugars in the night to keep you awake and chocolate to keep going during the day. Not the best combo if you’re wanting to shed a few lbs.

You probably won’t ever know what you’re doing. I don’t think anyone ever does, whether they have been a parent for 1 year, 5 years or their children are grown up and moved out. You’ll just get the hang of having a baby and suddenly they’re a toddler and parenting just stepped up a level. Yes you may get your sleep back, you may not need be doing night feeds or needing nappies anymore but your child’s needs change and as does your challenges. We are all just winging it, doing our best and trying to make our way till 7pm bedtime with a little wine left in our bottle.

So there you have it, my experience on why I felt not normal – it’s all normal! It’s our feelings and we deal with it how we do. There’s no super mum award at the end of this but there is plenty of hugs from your child and sometimes that’s enough.

Going from having one child to two is one of the hardest things Iv had to do since becoming a mum. You’re bombarded with people telling you all sorts of stuff ranging from ‘are you worried about how you’ll manage?’ (Always!) and ‘be prepared for your son to regress in some way’ yeah brilliant thanks! I knew it would be hard, I knew I would have no time to my myself, less money, more stress and everything else a quick google prepares you for but, what I didn’t plan for was the mum guilt I would feel along side everything I did for the new baby and everything I couldn’t do for my son like I used to. I even felt guilty for being in the hospital giving birth! Is that sad?

The first few days I cried… a lot! My boyfriend took our son out and everyone offered to do things with him so he wasn’t bored, which looking back was so lovely! But all I wanted was to spend some quality time with my boy. I felt so guilty that I could no longer give him my full time and energy. I can remember thinking ‘Iv ruined our bond’ which is silly because I hadn’t and he doesn’t at all remember life being any different but, that’s how I felt! Mum guilt… it creeps up and makes you feel like THE worst parent ever!

On the one hand, people are trying to be nice and just letting you know what it’s like but, on the other … thanks for scaring the life out of me about my pending devil number 2 child who’s going to turn my already busy life with a toddler in to some sort of eastenders worthy struggling mum story line!

But there’s benefits to having two right? ‘They will keep eachother company” Really!? Because I spent the first few weeks trying to get my toddler to acknowledge his baby sister and then the following months making sure he didn’t accidentally drop something on her head!

Skip forward the most exhausting and sleep deprived year ever (because who gives birth while their toddler is cutting their last 4 big teeth!!?) and we get to the walking milestone. Brilliant, now I have 2 mobile toddlers running around and that’s where the real hard work starts! They fight, they argue, they had to learn to share.. have you ever been to a toddlers birthday party where they all bombard the new toys to play with and there’s tantrums and fights over who plays with the new hoover full of beads first? … well, my life with a 2 and 1 year old was everyone’s dreaded birthday party moment. For the most part we solved these learning curves but they still argue and fight on a daily basis or they are the best of friends.

The last thing I couldn’t get my head round while being pregnant was ‘how can I possibly love another person as much as I do my son?’ I literally spent hours on google looking at other mums stories trying to convince myself that I just would but, each night I’d lay there looking at my belly just worrying I wouldn’t bond the same way, that I would look at her and my heart wouldn’t melt like it did for my son. I had no love left to give, or so I thought! But when she came flying in to the world on July 28th 2016 my love doubled, my heart doubled and I realised I had worried about nothing! She was perfect, she was gorgeous and she was mine, all the same feelings I felt 17 months before when her brother first made his apparence. To this day I look back and realise how silly I was but, I’m not alone in worrying about this and it really is normal.

It gets easier, it really does! They are now 3 and a half and 2 (and still a nightmare) but mostly they are best friends and play lovely together, which is so lovely to watch them bonding!

I really don’t think I would of made it through these past 2 years of parent hood without such brilliant support from family and friends. A little helping hand, a catch up at a friends over a hot drink or hiding in the corner of a play area while they burn of steam is sometimes the only therapy a mother needs. Mum friends are a struggling mums saviour and I have some of the best that’s for sure! 🖤

Please let me know I’m not alone in my struggles lol! Everyone have these hard moments/weeks/years … right?

… Chloe x

Before I can really guide you in to my crazy life of toddlers, tantrums, potty training and play dates I need to take you back to the start. Well, not quite the start because let’s face it you don’t really care where I did my first pregnancy test! (Work toilets on my morning tea break for those who do lol!)

I need to take you back to my pregnancy, I had made it! 9 months preggerz, 40 weeks of constant sick, tablets, low blood pressure filled hell! I was fat and fed up! Happy due to me as I happily went to my first sweep appointment – agony, embarrassing and kind of messy! Also pointless as 6 days later I was back for another. Between my first and second sweep I gave up and just admitted to myself I would be pregnant with this child forever and decided to drown my sorrows in McDonald’s chicken nugget meals… seen as alcohol wasn’t allowed that was the next best thing!

Day 6, second sweep and success! Hurray!! I left that appointment with aches and some bleeding, I didn’t get my hopes up as this happened with my first one but 2 hours later I felt it! My first proper contraction. Obviously in my emotional, overdue, chicken nugget fuelled hormonal state I passed it off and said nope it’s not labour! A couple more hours passed and my mum dragged me to the maternity ward to be checked and I was told I was indeed in labour and to come back soon. So naturally the first thing I did was go to Tesco for food… eating a pasta bake while contracting is quite a funny memory.

So a few more hours passed .. and then some more.. and then some more! I tried to get a little nap in because everything on google told me that was the right thing to do, well rolling around your bed in agony every few minutes with the theme tune to Hawaii Five-0 on what felt like repeat downstairs while my boyfriend calmly awaited what was coming next, just made it near on impossible so I gave up! I admitted defeat and woke my mum up and off we went.

Did you know you don’t just turn up to a hospital and get rushed off in to a room to deliver your baby like every film and tv programme had ever suggested? Nope! They stick you in some kind of observation room, I’m in labour! I’m contracting and I’m in pain… how much more proof do you need? A head coming out of me while on arrival? Well I laid down, ready for her to come to the conclusion that I was indeed in the process of evicting my child from my uterus, when she said to me oh that’s 3 in less than 10 minutes so let’s walk round.. what she failed to tell me was we would walk around THREE TIMES looking for an empty room! Finally I was put in a room and shoved some gas and air. Brilliant stuff! Well when you’re partner and mum aren’t trying to steal it from you lol.

Something like 10 hours, 1 pethdine shot and some dramatic throwing up later they finally decided this baby wasn’t coming on it’s own, they popped my waters which exploded all over my poor midwife, myself and the bed! 2 hours later I pushed for the first time, has anyone heard of the ring of fire? Well, it kind of feels like someone’s sitting there with a lighter to your forever stretching lady area! Lovely right? 3 pushes later he was out!

I had done it! I had survived 41 weeks of pregnancy and 23 hours of labour and now I just had to survive the next 18 years!

Little did I know that in a year and a half I’d be back doing the exact same thing all over again, regreating it almost instantly the second I felt the ring of fire.

 

This is my first time doing a blog so please stick with me while I learn my way around here.

I want to start by introducing myself and my children. My names Chloe, I’m 26 years old and I’m currently a stay at home mum. I have been blessed with two beautiful babies, Archie who is 3 and was born back in January 2015 and Luna who is 2 who quickly followed in July 2016.

I wanted to start a blog because when I first fell pregnant I didn’t really have any friends who where mums or that where even pregnant at the same time. I didn’t know what to do, what not to do or what was normal and I spent a lot of my time on online forums chatting to mums from across the world in the hope I could make sense of this crazy experience. Looking back, a little bit of advice from experienced mums probably gave me the confidence to trust my own instincts. They showed me that I did know what I was doing, I just didn’t realise I knew what I was doing (if that makes sense). It also reassured me that on the hard days when you sit and think that you’re really not cut out for this, you’re not alone! We all have them moments but along side the baby blues, sleepless nights and total exhaustion from pushing out a human, you can sometimes feel like you’re the only person who feels this way.

So with that in mind, I started this blog. I hope to be able to share my experiences and that they will help another mum feel the way I did when I managed to get some help and advice and not just spending my evenings googling ‘will I love my second born child as much as my first’ (not my proudest google search but I’m sure I’m not the only one)

So I hope you enjoy following our experiences and stories, I promise I’ll get better at this as time goes on lol. I’m hoping to do my next blog soon which will be all about going from 1 child to 2 and the guilt that comes along with it. Sorry if you’re an expecting parent of baby #no2…

…. Chloe xx