When you are pregnant you’re told how magical and amazing being a new mum is but, if I’m honest, I don’t remember much of it. I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion that’s made it all a blur or maybe my hormones being so bats**t crazy or maybe a mixture of both? Either way, it’s all one big blur of sleepless nights, healing stitches and new mum anxieties, meaning I kind of know what happened but its all a bit iffy. Looking back now I realise how much I was unprepared for, everything and everyone told me how I’d feel and what was normal, which was lovely of them to share but, my own experience made me feel like I had either been lied to or I wasn’t normal. So, here’s my ‘what not to expect when you’re expecting’ list.

The day I gave birth was not the best day of my life.  Does that mean I regret it? No way! It just wasn’t the best day of my life. I mean I never really imagined the best day of my life but, I don’t think being high on gas and air, pushing a person out of me and then laying half naked while some stranger stitched me back together would really make the cut (no pun intended). Everyone told me that when your baby is out and placed on your chest you would get this sudden rush of love, a totally overwhelming feeling that makes you forget all the pain you’ve been through. I didn’t feel a rush of love, I felt exhausted, I felt sick from the pain and I felt really overwhelmed but not with love, with complete disbelief I had just done what I had done. I just pushed a person out! A whole person! With no medical interference. A person! I was shocked, he was real and I was now a mum. It’s a strange mix of emotions giving birth, it’s hard … like, really hard! It’s exhausting even for the quickest of labours, it’s excitment because you’re finally going to see this little person you created and grew inside of you but then it can also be scary. Labour is unpredictable so whether you’re someone who feels this rush of love or has a straight forward experience or whether your someone who didn’t feel the way the books say you should, like me, you’re still normal. No one will think any less of you, you’ve been through (or will be going through) a lot! Give yourself a break. 

Parenting might not come like second nature. Sorry to break this one to you but the majority of people who swan out of hospital like Mary Poppins with their new bundle of joy is probably not that many and, those who seem to have their s**t together are probably really good at pretending! If babies came preprogrammed and with a book then we would all be on to a win! Unfortunately they don’t and we have to spend hours, days and weeks figuring out these tiny people who we just met. Sometimes, we need a break or even just a helping hand and it’s ok to say you don’t know what you’re doing! No one does! There’s a lot to go through once you’re baby is here, adjusting to your new life, sleepless nights, constant crying that you don’t have a clue what it means the baby wants (you will! It takes time). Your hormones will be all over the place and everything will seem a million times worse which is why people have got to stop telling us ‘it just comes naturally’ because mostly, it doesn’t.

You might question your ability in the first few weeks. Leading on from it not being second nature, as a new mum we question ourselves a lot. We wonder if we can actually do this at 3am when baby wakes for the 90th time that night, we wonder if what we are doing is enough for our baby and if our best is enough. We compare ourselves, sometimes without evening meaning to! Someone will mention what they do with their baby and suddenly you’re worrying because you don’t do it, should I be doing it? Why haven’t I done it? Will I ruin my babies life by not doing it? … probably not no. Truth is, we question everything and worry about everything because our babies can’t tell us that they think we are doing a good job, motherhood is thankless and sometimes that’s a hard thing to realise. I’m not saying parenting will get easier but toddler tantrums and potty training messes are easier to deal with when you’ve had a full nights sleep.

You may have your post baby body longer than you planned. When you finally work up the courage to look at your new mum body you may not be pleased with what you see. The first time I looked at myself properly I cried. Your body changes loads and post baby body’s suck! They are jiggly, wrinkly and feel a little like play doh if I’m honest. It’s really hard to get yourself back in shape when you’re a new mum, you’re doing what you can do to get by which sometimes means a tea and 2 sugars in the night to keep you awake and chocolate to keep going during the day. Not the best combo if you’re wanting to shed a few lbs.

You probably won’t ever know what you’re doing. I don’t think anyone ever does, whether they have been a parent for 1 year, 5 years or their children are grown up and moved out. You’ll just get the hang of having a baby and suddenly they’re a toddler and parenting just stepped up a level. Yes you may get your sleep back, you may not need be doing night feeds or needing nappies anymore but your child’s needs change and as does your challenges. We are all just winging it, doing our best and trying to make our way till 7pm bedtime with a little wine left in our bottle.

So there you have it, my experience on why I felt not normal – it’s all normal! It’s our feelings and we deal with it how we do. There’s no super mum award at the end of this but there is plenty of hugs from your child and sometimes that’s enough.