Going from having one child to two is one of the hardest things Iv had to do since becoming a mum. You’re bombarded with people telling you all sorts of stuff ranging from ‘are you worried about how you’ll manage?’ (Always!) and ‘be prepared for your son to regress in some way’ yeah brilliant thanks! I knew it would be hard, I knew I would have no time to my myself, less money, more stress and everything else a quick google prepares you for but, what I didn’t plan for was the mum guilt I would feel along side everything I did for the new baby and everything I couldn’t do for my son like I used to. I even felt guilty for being in the hospital giving birth! Is that sad?

The first few days I cried… a lot! My boyfriend took our son out and everyone offered to do things with him so he wasn’t bored, which looking back was so lovely! But all I wanted was to spend some quality time with my boy. I felt so guilty that I could no longer give him my full time and energy. I can remember thinking ‘Iv ruined our bond’ which is silly because I hadn’t and he doesn’t at all remember life being any different but, that’s how I felt! Mum guilt… it creeps up and makes you feel like THE worst parent ever!

On the one hand, people are trying to be nice and just letting you know what it’s like but, on the other … thanks for scaring the life out of me about my pending devil number 2 child who’s going to turn my already busy life with a toddler in to some sort of eastenders worthy struggling mum story line!

But there’s benefits to having two right? ‘They will keep eachother company” Really!? Because I spent the first few weeks trying to get my toddler to acknowledge his baby sister and then the following months making sure he didn’t accidentally drop something on her head!

Skip forward the most exhausting and sleep deprived year ever (because who gives birth while their toddler is cutting their last 4 big teeth!!?) and we get to the walking milestone. Brilliant, now I have 2 mobile toddlers running around and that’s where the real hard work starts! They fight, they argue, they had to learn to share.. have you ever been to a toddlers birthday party where they all bombard the new toys to play with and there’s tantrums and fights over who plays with the new hoover full of beads first? … well, my life with a 2 and 1 year old was everyone’s dreaded birthday party moment. For the most part we solved these learning curves but they still argue and fight on a daily basis or they are the best of friends.

The last thing I couldn’t get my head round while being pregnant was ‘how can I possibly love another person as much as I do my son?’ I literally spent hours on google looking at other mums stories trying to convince myself that I just would but, each night I’d lay there looking at my belly just worrying I wouldn’t bond the same way, that I would look at her and my heart wouldn’t melt like it did for my son. I had no love left to give, or so I thought! But when she came flying in to the world on July 28th 2016 my love doubled, my heart doubled and I realised I had worried about nothing! She was perfect, she was gorgeous and she was mine, all the same feelings I felt 17 months before when her brother first made his apparence. To this day I look back and realise how silly I was but, I’m not alone in worrying about this and it really is normal.

It gets easier, it really does! They are now 3 and a half and 2 (and still a nightmare) but mostly they are best friends and play lovely together, which is so lovely to watch them bonding!

I really don’t think I would of made it through these past 2 years of parent hood without such brilliant support from family and friends. A little helping hand, a catch up at a friends over a hot drink or hiding in the corner of a play area while they burn of steam is sometimes the only therapy a mother needs. Mum friends are a struggling mums saviour and I have some of the best that’s for sure! 🖤

Please let me know I’m not alone in my struggles lol! Everyone have these hard moments/weeks/years … right?

… Chloe x